I used to think that the idea of a pre-nup agreement was really icky. Going into a relationship, but yet planning for a break-up seemed to be in conflict with establishing a life together and commitment to one another. But, after years working in family law and estate planning, and seeing many friends and community members go through separation - I see it really differently now.

Figuring out agreements around finances, living arrangements, expectations etc. and talking about the "what if's" for if you were to separate when you and your partner are both in a good place, and want the best for each other and your children, is a really socially mature approach to take. It's showing respect and grace to your partner, and is in my opinion - the best time to work out these tricky issues - well before things fall apart.

A pre-nup can really provide you with a roadmap through the process when you're both hurt, or angry, or sad and can't see a way forward. Conflict and litigation only causes stress, expense and the further fracturing of relationships and no-one benefits, least of all any kids that are involved. When everyone knows what they will walk away with and what their future will look like if a relationship ends for themselves and their children, it provides clarity and reduces conflict. There is nothing to fight about with lawyers because it's already worked out - at a time when you both had clear thoughts and wanted the best for each other.

The best case scenario, it that the pre-nup never needs to be acted upon- but I see having these conversations a sign of respect and mutual commitment to each other's futures, whether you're together as a couple or not. Life can be rough and not all relationships make it through, but working these tough issues out before you need to shows each other that you've got each other's backs, no matter what happens down the track.

What do you think?

I'm really interested to hear your thoughts.

Should this be a conversation more of us are having?

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